June 1, 2095.
White House, Washington, D.C.
Today President Jeb G. H. W. Bush V held a press conference in the Rose Garden to discuss his concerns about America’s educational system. Here’s an excerpt of his opening remarks:
My fellow Americans, it has become abundantly clear that our system of educating American’s children is not working. Yesterday the Charters Are Delightful Schools (CADS) corporation announced from its headquarters in the Cayman Islands that it would be closing all of its schools in Newark, Baltimore, New Orleans, Chicago, New York City, Los Angeles, Dallas, and Akron leaving millions of American children without a school and hundreds of thousands of staff without jobs. CEO of CADS, Emily Broad-Gates, said they closed the schools because they were losing money. This is hard to believe, given Ms. Broad-Gates’ salary of $45 million/year (plus stock options). This is not the first time our children have been left school-less. You’ll recall ten years ago when Connecticut Charters shut down mid-year after they sold all their buildings to real estate investors and last year when the San Jose, California schools had to get parents to teach the last 26 days of school because their charter school operator refused to pay its staff, who had recently tried to unionize.
I am very concerned about this trend – companies that promise to educate our youth, then abandon them a few years later.
President Bush announced that Vice President Charlotte H. Clinton III would be chairing a blue-ribbon committee which will look into alternatives to charter school systems, which educate 97% of the nation’s school children. He went on to suggest that some schools could be turned over to concerned local citizens, “like in the good old days.”
Vice President Clinton took the podium and said, “Our nation is in peril. When children can’t count on their schools being open, well it’s like some foreign country conspiring to hurt this great nation .” She went on to say, “This committee will look at every means possible to assure that schools will be there for American kids.” She even suggested cutting back on the number of federally-mandated testing days (currently 54) as a way to reduce the testing fees schools are being charged, thereby saving schools billions of dollars per year. House Speaker Paul Pearson immediately issued a statement condemning the use of that kind of “logic without metrics.”
Questions from the press turned quickly to Vice President Clinton’s grandmother’s role in Benghazi. She said that she would not comment until the results of this year’s congressional investigation are released, just before the fall elections.